Lady Boners

Wow, just even starting this out with those words makes me feel disgusting.  I mean, I assume women can get aroused, and the term is hilarious.  I had to verify, so I checked Urban Dictionary, the only true reference for today’s speak, and sure as shit it’s there.

This intrigued me.  Why?  Oh, probably only because 99.7% of women I know will tell you when they’re attracted to an actual person in their vicinity.  “Wait now, Justin, I’m sure women tell you when they’re attracted to someone.”  Yes, invisible person, yes they do.  Only, it’s often an actor on television or in a movie, a celebrity on a magazine cover, an athlete on television.

How women find him attractive is beyond me. "Oh he's on television, I want to do him!"

To the point, I’m talking about me.

I was talking to a buddy of mine, who happens to be attracted to men, about how uncomplimentary women tend to be.  Now, lady readers, take no offense to this, I am not speaking about you.   I tend to have a good, healthy ego about me (understatement) but for the life of me cannot understand why women don’t pay compliments.

Then it dawned on me…lady boners.

A guy, when sporting wood, won’t simply show the girl who has given said wood to him that, hey, look what you did here (I lie, I’ve done that before, results still pending).  So it makes SOME sense that women won’t do the same.  UNLESS….there’s the capability of the subject not knowing.

This is legitimately what I am talking about. It is NOT a euphemism.

For instance, Brittany and Meredith tend, on Facebook, to talk about these hot guys they want to star in some movie that probably shouldn’t, but most likely will, get made about some porn book (not my words, trust me).  They are fawning over this guy, even though it’s semi-evident that he’s wearing make-up and the image is most likely photoshopped for his profile for acting jobs or some shit.

Yeah, I got a little jealous right there.

So, after perusing Reddit I come across something called Lady Boners.  Apparently, it is a site installed that let’s women give complimentary words to men who post pictures of themselves.  Some are nude, which is terrible, most are not. The key here is the women give these compliments without being in person. A, “hey, you are hot” or, “you probably shouldn’t be allowed on the internet” thing under the guise of anonymity.

It got me thinking back to the days of hotornot.com.  I think I always ended up with a 7.  I’m still bitter.

Soooooo…I guess what I’m saying is, sometimes the ego needs a little boost.  A buddy of mine once said, in reference to an ex-girlfriend who I was dating at the time who decided to stop being affectionate, “if you don’t feed the dog at home, it’ll go eat at the neighbors house.”

Look, they're eating!!!

I’m contemplating…