Tag Archives: match.com

Things are well, thanks for asking

19 Apr

Wow, I have certainly ignored my writing responsibilities as of late, have I not?  Things have taken an interesting, albeit positive, turn for me recently.

I rejoined Match.com.  After my last tirade on the site, I’ve decided to give it another go.  So far I have had one blind date that ended in me singing on stage while a bachelorette party danced and my date making out with my neck and one young doctor who brought wine over to my house.  That was quite the run on sentence, but what the site is really showing me is that I am just being me and some women love it, some do not.  You’re not going to win them all, but I’ll tell you thus far, I feel like a fucking winner.

A young lady I have had an OPEN crush on for the past 3 years has recently tried setting me up with a friend of hers.  Now, part of me thinks the young lady I was crushing on really wants me to leave her alone, which hey, just ask, you know?  I am not stalking, I am not swarming, but if we’re going to be friends I think it only right that we, I dunno, stay in contact every once in a while?  I’ll have more on that later, but for now… I decided to put my big boy pants on and reach out to this young lady of whom I am unfamiliar with.  Our mutual friend said she is looking for a guy who is intelligent and funny, and holy shit that’s me and me.  Whilst speaking to the lass, she tells me she’s no longer dating.

Insert diatribe here…I am NOT going to go chasing anyone.  A buddy of mine, as well as my dear father, both imparted advice to me as far as having expectations.  And the advice was simple. DON’T HAVE EXPECTATIONS.  This is easier said than done, but hear me out.  It is far, FAR better to accept something than it is to expect something.  Expectations may never come to fruition, and that leaves nothing but disappointment.  I am accepting of the idea that this lady does not date.  She could be lying to me, but so fucking what, I care less.  I am accepting the prospect that my crush wants me to stay the fuck away.  And all of this I am cool with.  Because having this perspective has helped me discover that I am cool to someone.  Maybe more than just one person, but those who can’t see me being righteous, well, fuck em.

I used the F bomb there pretty vigorously, and if it offends you I apologize, but know what?  FFFFFF it.

I’m growing a beard.  I think it’s factual that brunettes prefer it to blondes, and for that I will listen to Tremendous Brunettes by Mike Doughty, because as my friend said, “Blondes are so 2000, this is 2013.”

Sidenote, my two encounters via Match.com were both brunettes.  Intriguing.

Yeah I type shirtless

This is me typing this listening to my jams.

Things are going great, thanks for asking.  Try out that thing I told you about, you may love it.

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I would approach you…but…

10 Sep

I figure it’s not a good move to reference “The Wizard of Oz” in a blog about me, being a dude, having zero luck with the ladies. So…

I seriously have no courage.

Seriously, the bow? What...you woke up and thought "yeah, a bow's a good idea"?

I, luckily, have the chance to encounter several attractive females on a near daily basis.   The issue is, I am terrible at small talk.

Just yesterday, before heading over to Life’s Crazy Joke‘s house, I stopped at the gas station.  While in line, there was a woman, not at all attractive (sorry, ma’am) wearing sweat pants, a tank top, her hair looked like Amy Winehouse would laugh at her (assuming Amy Winehouse could still laugh, today (too soon?)), and talking on her cell phone.  While she’s mid-conversation, a dude walks by her, without saying anything else, and asks, “yo, what’s yo numba?”

Now, at first I had to laugh.  The audacity, right?  But then it occurred to me, this guy has balls.  I mean, to go up to a random woman and simply ask for her number?  Nevermind she was mid-conversation, probably talking about getting her child support owed to her, and he just matter-of-factly asks for her number.

I couldn’t do that.  See, the problem with me, is I need a CLEAR SIGN.  I am so bad at reading cues from women it’s pathetic.  I can never, ever be sure if a woman is in to me unless she tells me “Hey, I want you.”  Even then, I’d probably over-think it, like “is there a taller, more attractive, more interesting guy standing directly behind me at the moment?”

Yes, my friend, she was speaking to me.

I never really know.  I think that is one of the reasons Match.com is NOT working out for me.  How do you make small talk, especially over the internet?  The only thing I can think of saying to some of the women on there is “hey, I like what you did with your hair/eyes/nose/boobs in that one picture.”  I’d usually revert to boobs, too.  I’m not classy.

So I guess my question is, avid readers (or for those waiting to make a comment referring to my once existing chin strap (fuckers)), what’s the best way to strike up conversation?  What has/has not worked for you in the past?  I’m curious, here.  Honestly.  Otherwise, I’m going to have to grow my facial hair out like the fucker above.  The first fucker, not the one with the bow.