Tag Archives: dating

Things are well, thanks for asking

19 Apr

Wow, I have certainly ignored my writing responsibilities as of late, have I not?  Things have taken an interesting, albeit positive, turn for me recently.

I rejoined Match.com.  After my last tirade on the site, I’ve decided to give it another go.  So far I have had one blind date that ended in me singing on stage while a bachelorette party danced and my date making out with my neck and one young doctor who brought wine over to my house.  That was quite the run on sentence, but what the site is really showing me is that I am just being me and some women love it, some do not.  You’re not going to win them all, but I’ll tell you thus far, I feel like a fucking winner.

A young lady I have had an OPEN crush on for the past 3 years has recently tried setting me up with a friend of hers.  Now, part of me thinks the young lady I was crushing on really wants me to leave her alone, which hey, just ask, you know?  I am not stalking, I am not swarming, but if we’re going to be friends I think it only right that we, I dunno, stay in contact every once in a while?  I’ll have more on that later, but for now… I decided to put my big boy pants on and reach out to this young lady of whom I am unfamiliar with.  Our mutual friend said she is looking for a guy who is intelligent and funny, and holy shit that’s me and me.  Whilst speaking to the lass, she tells me she’s no longer dating.

Insert diatribe here…I am NOT going to go chasing anyone.  A buddy of mine, as well as my dear father, both imparted advice to me as far as having expectations.  And the advice was simple. DON’T HAVE EXPECTATIONS.  This is easier said than done, but hear me out.  It is far, FAR better to accept something than it is to expect something.  Expectations may never come to fruition, and that leaves nothing but disappointment.  I am accepting of the idea that this lady does not date.  She could be lying to me, but so fucking what, I care less.  I am accepting the prospect that my crush wants me to stay the fuck away.  And all of this I am cool with.  Because having this perspective has helped me discover that I am cool to someone.  Maybe more than just one person, but those who can’t see me being righteous, well, fuck em.

I used the F bomb there pretty vigorously, and if it offends you I apologize, but know what?  FFFFFF it.

I’m growing a beard.  I think it’s factual that brunettes prefer it to blondes, and for that I will listen to Tremendous Brunettes by Mike Doughty, because as my friend said, “Blondes are so 2000, this is 2013.”

Sidenote, my two encounters via Match.com were both brunettes.  Intriguing.

Yeah I type shirtless

This is me typing this listening to my jams.

Things are going great, thanks for asking.  Try out that thing I told you about, you may love it.

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OBEY!

19 Apr

What I find interesting about us, humans, is how social we are.  Animals sort of have it easy.  Ever see a dog hump another dog?  I’m not saying it’s pretty, especially if they’re same sex (no offense to the LGBT community, of course), but there is no socializing prior to the mounting process.

Worst part is, he didn't even call her the next morning. Jerk.

So why are we so damn social?  If you believe in Darwinism and the whole caveman theory, the Cro-Magnon’s didn’t exchange pleasantries before banging like, well, cave people.  They just simply got to it.

I’m not saying I’m looking at simply banging, I’m just wondering where and when did the human race decide they needed to be social?

I only ask this because, well, as I would assume you already know, I have a non-existent love life.  In my attempts to be social with women, it goes well, and then it goes bad, usually in less than nine months time.

With being social, our society has set about what is called social norms.  These aren’t the scripts I had discussed before; this is instead what each and every person believes to be the normal thing, the correct thing, which society expects of us.  The crazy part is psychologists say that when we use these norms in our actions, we’re either conforming or being obedient, depending on who we believe set about this norm.  I believe both to be pretty negative terms.

My big issue here is how, in dating, we have to conform to norms.  Okay, not we.  I have to conform to norms.  There’s the whole, “you got a girls number, how long do you wait until you call (or text) her,” norm, the “hey I can’t touch your boobs because you don’t know my middle name,” norm, and the worst is, “you’re not allowed to talk to me, cause I have a significant other,” norm, the norm that is the bane of my existence.

I guess what I’m asking is, can we have a revolution of dating norms?  Can we all just stop the whole shy game of, “hey, you’re cute, but I fear rejection so I’m not gonna ask you out,” or the “you’re not 6’13” tall so I don’t want you talking to me,” shit?  What I really want is to have women actually give me a freaking chance.  But, maybe it’s because I haven’t been doing the best job at picking them.

Either we change these norms, or I build a time machine.  I bet the time machine one is more achievable.

I bet the monocle can help me build a time machine!

Erikson and Maslow…or Hey I Oughta Grow Up

17 Apr

I think it’s sort of funny how I started reading psychology for college just as my most recent relationship was crumbling, if only because it started to spell things out for me.

You see, social psychology, or the science of how the human mind interacts with others, should be ROOTED in relationships. Hell, I have held enough failed relationships to write a freaking book on it (coming soon). Whether it was optimism or pessimism, so many things started to, I dunno, *click* in my mind.

Erikson was a psychologist who believed that every person went through cognitive stages, or emotional growth periods, throughout their life. This guy, I tell ya, freaking genius! He wasn’t like Freud, who just believed we all had deep seeded desires to f*ck EVERYTHING in our sight (though he may be half-right, fully right for those who are bi). No, Erikson believed we are constantly growing and developing as people. One of his stages really caught my eye.

Identity versus Identity Diffusion

In this stage, usually occurring in early adolescence, a person has to decide who they are. What is so awesome about this, and clearly Erikson recognized this, is that this stage is often revisited. What sucks is that when compared to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, identity is often the LAST thing we find. Well shit. Now I’m stuck.

See, Maslow believed that we, as humans, have basic needs.

  1. Need one, the one that comes first, is hunger. I’m not talking Hunger Games (yeah, I’m sure it’s awesome, but I do enough reading, clearly), but our need to survive. If we are starving, nothing matters more than getting food. This, I can accept.
  2. Next comes shelter. Got a full belly? Better find something to stop that rain from fallin’ on ya! Okay, makes sense.
  3. Next, and this one is difficult, is love. Sure, we love things, and people love us. I know, right now, my friends (most of you bastards, anyway) and family love me. I feel good about that. But then there comes the love of another, the entire freaking BASIS of this blog.

After love comes esteem, which I believe is ass backwards. Who wants to love someone who can’t love themselves (insert masturbatory joke HERE)? After esteem comes self conceptualization, or when we find out what we truly want to be.

Wait, so Maslow says we seek our identity AFTER love, but Erikson believes we need our identity first? Quick story. Dated a girl who was in a sticky situation. She had an identity she had developed prior to meeting me. We enter into a relationship, my identity in hand, hers in hers as well. Suddenly, the identity changes.

Don’t act surprised people. For the married people reading this, or better yet, the parents reading this, you know your identity alters after life events like this! So, sure, dating doesn’t alter the relationship too much, but suddenly you go from single to in a relationship (and Lord knows the identity Facebook created, “it’s complicated”). This young lady was concerned with my identity, and mind you I was THRILLED to be her boyfriend, but she could not let go of the identity she was actively (I use that term loosely) pursuing to get rid of. I’m beating around the bush here, you guys know what I’m talking about.

What I guess I am saying is, people, handle your shit. If you are with someone, recognize you now share an identity with them. If you don’t want that identity, get out. Because, let’s be real here, the other person is creating an identity with you.

I’m trying to reach Maslow’s self conceptualization. I do feel love, I do have a good self-esteem (some might called it egotistical, but I’ll get into that later), so you know what, I’m trying to make the most of me. That said, I am STILL actively looking at my identity now and how that might change come the next relationship. If, and when, that happens, time to START ALL OVER!

If I become a professor, I am DEFINITELY growing this mustache. All good professors have one, don't they?

Scripts…bleh…

16 Apr

The dating script:

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