Three Months – part 2

18 Nov

So I had started a different post about embarrassing moments (which I still plan to post) when WLSG reminded me that tomorrow is our 3 month anniversary. Yes, 3 months ago tomorrow is when we first met in person. This, of course, sparked my memory of a certain post he made a couple years ago. A very well written post, if not a little gut wrenching to read as the new girl. I have debated about whether or not to mention this post or bring it to your attention. However, I feel that if we just ignore the fact that it exists, it’s a little hypocritical since both WLSG and I are touting being completely open and honest. In line with our previous two posts, if there is something uncomfortable in the relationship we try to face it head on, hopefully tongue in cheek and with a joke.

Now there are many, many rants and diatribes I could go on about this post, but I will save you from that particular crazy, bitchy girlfriend moment.

I do try to be the best. Challenge crushed.

I do try to be the best. Challenge crushed.

 

The biggest reason I have linked to this blog post is because it talks about “the one”. This was the part of the post that struck me in the stomach. Granted, it’s not worded in that exact manner, but it is the tone or feeling of the sentence and, ultimately, the entire post. This hit me hard, not because it is about another (horrible) women (hint again: slag), but because “the one” is not a concept I believe in.

Set up enough expectations?

Set up enough expectations?

There are quite a few reasons I could go into as to why this is just not a concept I can subscribe to. I am also sure you have heard a few of them before (see Sex and the City reference above). I will only bother you with a few that bother me.

  1. It promotes laziness: I tend to believe that two people choose to be together. I would much rather decide who is best for me than some mystical being or creature (fate) forcing my life to fit into a plan. There is no wiggle room with that. No fun. No spontaneity.  This isn’t to say that some people aren’t more compatible, but if you are with the one that was meant for you then you should always agree. On everything. That is not the one, or fate, that is losing your identity to another person (which I realize is some people’s strategy in relationships)
  2. Timing: Is the one, the one your entire life? Or do you grow and change? I have to be honest here (sensing a theme?), I am not entirely confident that WLSG would have had much of a chance with me five or ten years ago (I realize this sounds egotistical, but I was pretty cool back in the day). I valued different things then, was in an entirely different place in my life and needed the recent life experiences to make me who I am today. Would my eyes (and heart) have been open in the same way? And if they weren’t, do I just get to miss out on happiness?
  3. It’s a fantasy, not attainable in the real world: It’s the happily ever after story we were promised by every Disney princess movie. You don’t even have to ever have a real conversation. As long as everyone else around is evil, uglier or not as rich, then you two are soul mates. No need to worry about whether you are actually compatible (or whether the guy is a controlling dick, which is, for some strange reason, seen as intense love. Bullshit).
  4. Playing a part: You’re a reasonably attractive person of the opposite sex who doesn’t make me want to poke my eye out when you speak, we must be made for each other! This really only seems to work if each person plays their part. In order to take any real thoughts and feelings of another person into consideration, that takes work. It also takes humility. One thing people who have found “the one” are not, is humble about their relationship. More time is spent convincing others (and themselves) how great everything is, when in reality it is hollow and only works if each person follows the rules.

This is not to say that you cannot feel lucky every day to have found the one you are with. Just admit (and be real) that it is the work you two put in and not some magical being of the universe. Take responsibility for your own happiness and (I am sorry to say), possibly your own unhappiness.

Slag

Yep, seems about right.

To make one last snarky comment about the referenced post (because how can I resist, I have shown restraint so far). At the end WLSG is filled with…hope. Which on the surface sounds so sweet and uplifting, but to me it is depressing. Who wants to sit around hoping the person they love will love them back for eternity? Hoping the time and effort spent will mean something? You would never just use hope to finish school, get a good job, or raise your children. What is the saying? Hope in one hand and…(I am sure you can finish it).

Just in case you couldn't come up with it on your own.

Just in case you couldn’t come up with it on your own.

I always thought this would be a way in which we differ, but maybe after looking back WLSG has changed his mind. Let’s see what he has to say.

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