Hey Jealousy

13 Nov

I always thought jealousy was an ugly, ugly characteristic.  Okay, maybe not a characteristic, as I’m sure no one is constantly jealous one hundred percent of the time (though I know a few people who probably are 99% of the time), but when it rears its head, it can be off-putting.

However, I have recently found that when jealousy does arise, if it’s discussed with your significant other, it can actually strengthen the relationship.  Am I a relationship expert?  Hells to the NO, I mean, look at the blog title, it’s right there.  I have, though, recently entered into a relationship with a wonderful young woman who is quite my opposite.  I’m more of a dreamer, finding conspiracy theories and the like crazy interesting, while she scoffs at ludicrous possibilities and grounds herself in factual data.

Tin foil makes a great hat

Sometimes I enjoy being an idiot. Don’t judge!

Anyhow, and I promise this all goes somewhere, I have been burned in the past.  Too much trust in a significant other to not dick me over (figuratively, I haven’t switched teams) has often led to me being dicked over (read previous parenthetical item for further details).  So when a warning sign comes up, albeit the tiniest of warnings, my head goes into crazy overdrive mode, suddenly imagining that the worst possible thing has occurred.

Mind you, reader, that (and this is wear I go off on a bragging tangent, my apologies) my significant other is ridiculously good-looking.  Standing at a meager 5′ nothing, weighing barely anything, she is a bombshell if there could be one.  So naturally I am aware that other men will check her out.  Hell, I still do when she’s not looking.  The concept of her running off on me was never really in my mind.

Now what’s funny, and here we go back to opposites, is that I am totally okay with her ex-significant others.  I’m not saying I’d have a beer with them, they can all go right ahead and fuck off.  But what I am saying is I am not intimidated by their presence, not in the least bit.  It’s Joe Schmoe that I don’t know.  Perhaps someone will come along who is better than me in one way shape or form (and I am not going to go into details on my traits that could be better, I have many, and by writing this I am currently not trying to modify or fix a single one of them. So there.) that may whisk her away from me.  Men are dicks.  They want what they can’t have.

If I had a sign it'd have a weiner on it

Obviously I’m never eating here. And I’m not entirely sure a hot dog followed by custard is good for the stomach.

Now my significant other is actually OKAY with women I do not know checking me out.  It’s my ex’s she is concerned with.  This boggles my mind, as they are clearly, obviously, ex’s for a reason.  And I would think I have clearly documented the travesties they have committed upon myself in this trusty little bloggy thing.  Again, opposites.  Weird.

You know the animator wanted to make his eyes pointing at her breats

I was always so jealous of that animated cat. Now I’m just jealous of all animation. My brain is wired so freaking weird.

As my girlfriend left for work yesterday morning, I noticed her school email in the Username section of Facebook.  Suddenly I start wondering if she has a super-secret Facebook account where she could potentially be flirting with dudes I’m unaware of.  Again, brain, wired weird, in overdrive mode.  Now I’m panicking.  I go through the entire day wondering if she’s talking to some other guy, chatting it up with some dude I have no idea about, I dunno!

When I get home from work, I spill to her immediately.  I have written about having open communication in the past, and now I actually have the opportunity to implement it.  She assures me I’m being stupid (okay, she didn’t use those words, it was the conclusion I came to) and that there is no one else she’d want to be with.  Then she tells me that my jealousy actually makes her feel more…secure.

Now, I’m going to attempt to do something I had never imagined doing on this blog.  I am going to turn it over to my significant other for her to share her perspective on this.  Yes, I am handing over my login information, and we will be getting her uneditted, unfiltered thoughts on jealousy, as well as whatever else she wants to think about.  Because technically, while we are in a relationship, we both are unmarried (insert joke about previous ex-girlfriend here), so while I might be the World’s Last Single Guy, I’m sure a feminine touch to this could prove to be rather interesting.

Stay tuned, we’re all in for a real treat I feel (that isn’t sarcasm, stop taking it that way).

P.S. spell-check highlighted every time I wrote the word “dicks” or “dick” in this.  Silly proper noun.

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