A little more back and forth, and a little more

28 Nov

I’ve been very up in arms over whether I should be using real names or not.  On the one hand, a great friend of mine had stated that libel cases are dropped if what is written is accurate.  Well, these events happened 14 years ago (yep, I’m that old) and they are as accurate as memory serves me.  So I guess, in the case of my own defense, I’ll be changing names.  Message me on Facebook (if you aren’t a friend…sigh…I just can’t get through to you, can I?) if you would like to know who is who in real life.  And don’t take offense, again, this is my perspective.

With that said, I was extremely proud of myself last night for the momentum I was building.  Words were flying from my finger tips at a rate that I was unaware I was capable of typing at.  I think the funniest moment I put down happened here, so I am sharing more.  I wish I could share it all, but I feel as though this would be so much better in one complete piece.  We’ll see on that.

____________Justin and Baseball____________

                A couple of weeks later Jordan and I were at Mike’s house, Whitney as well.  We were downstairs in Mike’s parent’s very nice home, his parents not to be seen nor heard from.   Mike had this devious look about him when he told Jordan and I to go upstairs to his room.  Jordan and I were there on his bed, kissing, when she stopped me and said, “You can do whatever you want.”  Looking back on this, now, I am an idiot.  Complete, utter idiot.  Keep in mind, I have yet to see Jordan bare chested, and here she is giving herself to my any desire.  “Anything?” I replied, like the soldiers say to the prostitute in Full Metal Jacket, half expecting Jordan to know the movie and return in kind.  She simply smiles, when my idiot, stupid, no good ridiculous mouth say, “Okay, roll over, I want to give you a back rub.”

If you stop reading now because of your utter hatred for the young me, please, feel free.  I almost want to stop typing for the same reason.  But if you’re a trooper, like me, than I suppose we will both continue.  I guess I looked at hooking up with a woman like baseball, you know, the bases.  First base is making out, 2nd, 3rd, home, you know.  I do not think details are necessary, so I am going to assume you are following along no problem.  I was ill prepared to go from constant first to a sudden home run.  So I thought, in my deviously clever way, to attempt second by bunting on a backrub.  Yeah, who has ever made it to second base in baseball by bunting?  And I’m saying this as though there was no runner on first, so don’t try getting all smart on me!   Jordan rolled over, laughing I think because I was doing it all wrong, though I was oblivious to my failures.  I was trying to give a sensual back massage with absolutely no training whatsoever, thinking I was purely boss in my moves, when I went to unclasp her bra.

I am not calling myself a male whore here, but I have had some experience with bras.  I have actually had women attempt to help me learn how to unclasp a bra.  And to this day, I am still an utter and complete failure at unclasping a bra.  Do you know how very not suave it is when, in the heat of the moment, you have to ask the woman to undo her own bra?  I would assume a woman would like a man who is in control, so maybe it is only so bad because I always ask politely, saying, “Um…could you get that for me?  I’m terrible at that.”  Do women still love humility?  Or rather, did they ever?

Jordan was not for me undoing her bra, though.  What I was hoping for was a progression into action, with action of course being fornication.  Instead, I ended up with an upset girlfriend because I was trying to see her back without the bra strap glaring at me, taunting me, and then humiliating me for my unsuccessful shot at losing my virginity.  I bet somewhere that bra strap is still laughing at me.  This is one of the reasons I wish nylon would expire quicker than it does.  I’m not vengeful, I just have a great memory for those who mock and belittle me.  That bra strap is on that list.

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