Judge not lest ye be judged

27 Sep

I’m writing this from my mobile phone because I can’t stand to sit in front of my computer another minute. So here goes…

I had coffee with a married woman this morning.  We hung out, in public, as adults, getting to know one another better.

How many of you have been in a shitty relationship before? Did it just end on the drop  of a dime? Some people were so quick to judge the fact I had mentioned being interested in a married woman.

Know what? This particular woman was more fun to talk to than half the single women I know.  Instead off being upset that she’s married, I’d decided to instead celebrate the fact I had the opportunity to get to know her.

With that, I guess I’m asking all of you to, just once, just for a minute, put yourself into the shoes of someone else you’d rather judge. I’m guilty of not doing it, myself, so I’ll start with me.

Some of you may take the opportunity to judge me here. I’ve left the comments open with zero moderation so you can do just that. With that said, to the lady I made cry tonight, do know it was not my intentions. If you decide to never speak to me again, do know I was completely okay with waiting for you.

If you do decide to speak to me again, the same applies.


14 Responses to “Judge not lest ye be judged”

  1. letsgrabacoffee September 27, 2011 at 9:07 am #

    I dated a married man once for 2 months. Somehow, I had no idea he as married with a child.
    He died though, about 3 weeks after we stopped dating. I found out about the wife and child in his obituary.

    These are the sorts of things that happen when you are single.

    Also – after reading through some of your blog, your standards seem a little off to me. While this is not for me to judge, having funny and thin as your major requirements seems like you are opening yourself up for a world of Kathy Griffins.

    • Vivian September 27, 2011 at 2:24 pm #

      I think the “bikini body” requirement for a girlfriend is just a little off. Maybe you don’t have a girlfriend because you are shallow?

      I hear you on the judgmental aspect. I am in a pretty unique situation myself (open marriage, polyamorous, etc), so I don’t like people judging me, and I try not to judge others. But, I think no matter how hard we try, it’s human nature to pass judgement. My only hope is that we can realize we’re doing it, and try to correct it before we end up hurting someone with our words or actions.

      I enjoyed your segment on Brittany and Meredith Live. 🙂

      • worldslastsingleguy September 27, 2011 at 3:32 pm #

        I sincerely did the “requirements” in an attempt to be shallow. I’d like to think I’m honestly not shallow, however the truth may scare me. And welcome!

      • Vivian September 28, 2011 at 10:28 am #

        Ok so it was just in a shallow joking manner? I wasn’t sure how to take it, but if that’s the case, then I’m sorry for taking offense. 🙂

  2. Meredith September 27, 2011 at 11:28 am #

    Coffee is cool. Heck, I had you in my bedroom and I’m married. Of course, we were fixing your blog on the computer located in my bedroom, but this is beside the point.

    Don’t be “that guy”. You can be her friend. She can be yours. But don’t be a home wrecker. If it leads to more, make sure she doesn’t stay married. No one likes “that guy” or “that girl” for that matter.

    But, hell, you’re single. What do you care? Do what you want. As long as you can sleep at night.

    Oh, and I would totally date Kathy Griffin. I’d leave my husband for her.

    • AmazingGreis September 29, 2011 at 11:37 pm #

      Meredith, you are crazy! Though, I still love you!

      You can totally be friends with a married woman, no harm no foul. If you cross the friend line while she’s still married, well that’s no good!

  3. Keith Godfrey September 27, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    Dude, I can’t say enough about the staying away from married women. Speaking as a married man, I wouldn’t be happy if my wife was having coffee with some guy and I am not aware of it (I am assuming he doesn’t). Hell, I probably wouldn’t like it if I knew about it. I wouldn’t be happy with my wife and I certainly wouldn’t be happy with you. As Meredith said, don’t be a homewrecker and even if your friendship is just the straw that broke the camel’s back, you’re still the catalyst and therefore become labeled a homewrecker.

    It’s just not worth it bro. If she’s into you, then she needs to be out of her marriage. It’s the only thing fair to all three of you.

    • Keith Godfrey September 27, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

      Oh, and beyond that … oh, I’ll shut up. Bro, this shit gets me in a tizzy.

      • worldslastsingleguy September 27, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

        Did you really use the word “tizzy”? I’m sorry, but when you use words like that I believe you might have a penis in your butt, homo, holmes.

      • Keith Godfrey September 27, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

        I might have used the word “tizzy” which is a word I use often with my kids (which shows the no homo). But I’d rather use silly words than mess around with another man’s wife.

  4. Michelle September 27, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    I have 2 issues to address – #1 you, #2 the married woman and then I have recommendations.

    #1 Follow the golden rule – I agree with Meredith – don’t be a homewrecker and don’t be “that guy”

    #2 I live by the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater.” Let’s say she does leave her husband for you, I guarantee she’s going to do the same thing to you one day. If she thinks it is acceptable to cheat on him, she thinks it is acceptable to cheat on anyone. If she’s not happy she should get counseling or a divorce, not cheat. Unless you think it is ok to cheat (I hope not) then you deserve eachother.

    Prevent adding another crazy ex-girlfriend to your list! Be smart.

    Good luck on your search for love!

    • Keith Godfrey September 27, 2011 at 9:39 pm #

      I think people can reform … we’ve all been guilty of making mistakes in our past (maybe not that, but mistakes nonetheless). I actually know of a few successful marriages that were spawned from circumstances like this. Regardless, I still didn’t like how the relationship started (what do you tell your kids?!?! When I met your mom we were in an adulterous affair?!?)

      Justin, one thing I often thing of before acting on something is this. How would I feel if I was on the other side of this situation? How would you feel if that was your wife out having coffee with some guy, “just getting to know him?”

      Maybe I am a little more sensitive to this because I am married and it is a fear of mine (my wife is a bit flirtatious and sometimes doesn’t realize how someone may take it to mean more in certain situations).

      Regardless, messing with married women is a slippery slope I don’t recommend for anyone.

  5. The Last Girl Standing September 28, 2011 at 8:57 am #

    Honestly? I don’t think coffee is okay. But probably because I’ve been on the other side of that coin and lost my other half after he emotionally cheated on me (that’s what I call those coffee encounters). It seems all innocent but it can be so easy for someone in a relationship to see greener grass and walk away to something easy (not saying you’re easy, of course) than to work on fixing something that’s hard. Not judging because I totally understand the temptation and may feel differently if it had been me having the coffee dates than my ‘better’ half. All I know is I feel for whomever’s on the losing side of that… because it’s usually me. And it sucks.


  1. And now for something « World's Last Single Guy - September 28, 2011

    […] better about myself.  This may sound mean, and I’m sure from another perspective it is (see last post for judging), but the way some people dress just impresses the hell out of me.  I could understand if it were […]

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