Pipebomb

15 Sep

Initially, I planned on writing today about the number of women I encounter who have the lucky chance of having my number.  Honestly, there’s a lot.  Instead, however, I have been contacted, during my sweet sweet nap, by the psycho/wife of the bicycle rider.

Now my friend Life’s Crazy Joke had asked me to share with her the identity of this “psycho”, but alas, I refuse to.  At least, via the internet.  Instead, maybe I should give a detailed history as to WHY she is so bat-shit fucking crazy.

This is a picture of bat-shit...

If you’ve followed me this far (or simply clicked the first link I’ve provided), you’ll catch some significant things she’s done.  However, I suppose detail is necessary to explain more.

For starters, she once told me that, as a senior in high school, on the day of her graduation rehearsal (does that actually happen?  I mean, do you have to rehearse getting your diploma?  Oh look at me, I can smile and walk simultaneously!), she made out with one of the teachers.  At first, and to this moment, I cannot believe her.  I say this because said teacher is married and he has children with said wife.

From there, I had a difficult time understanding how attention desperate she is.  I went to her house once, to meet her husband (yeah, infidelity all around), who she claims did not like me because I was “trying to hard” to get him to like me, she commented on my Facebook that she got me so wasted I was passed out on their couch.  No, you did not get me wasted, the K2 your husband is in possession of got me wasted.   Seriously, problems people, DO NOT SMOKE K2! I’ve got my entire family on Facebook as friends, why are you going to tell them how wasted I am?  And secondly, if I am passed out on your couch, stop telling me how attracted you are to my “hip dimples.”  I apologize that I weigh next to nothing due to a medical condition, and if you’re attracted to that, hey, cool, BUT YOUR HUSBAND IS OUTSIDE AND I’M NOT GONNA LET YOU TOUCH MY WEINER (and it’s actually the pelvic bone).

Beyond the circled area, this woman and I share nothing else in common

Continuing onward, this lady asked me to join her for drinks one night.  I was working late, extremely late actually, and she kept asking me where I was at.  Eventually, she told me my VERY FIRST girlfriend was with her and excited to see me.  Normally I would go home, take my insulin, and then head over (changing clothes, of course, my work attire is NOT flattering).  Instead, I went directly to the bar they were at.  Prior to arriving, she tells me that my ex has a boyfriend, so no hitting on her.  When I arrive, the psycho talks about herself all day, about how she got drunk with her in-laws at some restaraunt, etc. etc., leaving little room to allow the other two people in attendance to speak.  My ex (I feel weird saying that, as we had dated 13 years ago, but still) leaves, and the psycho proceeds to tell me my ex actually IS single.

Huh? Why leave that out? Because then my attention would not be focused on HER.

I tell her that my ex actually looked quite cute (update: said ex has a boyfriend now, she’s still cute though), and the psycho goes “WHAT ABOUT ME?!” What about you?  See, here’s the deal.  I had gone out with her before (all the while her lying to her husband that we were going to the movies or doing something else), and everytime we would go out, it’s a casual environment.  She, on said casual get togethers, would always wear a dress that just felt, I dunno, inappropriate for a college bar (yes, I went to a college bar at 29.  I had pubes before most of the kids there were born. I felt terribly out of place.  I’m not proud).

Now, the key point.  I guess this chick (the crazy one, not my ex) is sort of a swinger.  She would tell me stories about how during college she would get guys to do homosexual things by her, herself, doing homosexual things with another girl.  Look, no offense to my non-straight friends, but I ain’t touching another dudes junk if I was held at gunpoint.  I just DO NOT GO THAT WAY.   Anyhow, she was telling me about how her and her husband ended up getting a young lady (read: not of legal age) to come over and hang out.  Apparently this MINOR was having issues at home and needed some where to go.  So, you know, the home of two COMPLETE strangers sounds safe.  As the story progresses, the young lady’s mother won’t miss her, so she stays over another day, and another.  Eventually the married couple provide the young girl alcohol, and that night the MINOR decides she wants to sleep in bed with the two of them.

Dear Penthouse.  Long time reader, first time writer. I can’t believe this happened to me…

According to the story-teller, she and the young lady (have I gotten the point across that this girl wasn’t 18 yet?) begin sexual activities.  Then the husband joins, and just goes to TOWN on the one who is NOT his wife.  Shit, I am writing this like I’m actually writing into Penthouse.  Pardon me…

I actually own this t-shirt.

So, because her husband had placed his…you know…into another woman’s…yup…while SHE was in the same bed at the time, our heroine thinks it okay if she cheats on her husband just once.  You know, fair is fair and all that.

The crazy bitch has sent me texts for the past 3 months now, to which I’ve never responded.  She told me a friend of ours, who I had introduced her to, pointed her to this site because HE believes I’m writing about her. He’s right.  Also, there’s only one person I know who I have introduced her to that is a male and was not already friends with her.  So, yeah, I know.  I know it was you.  You broke my heart. (Funny, I’ve never actually seen the movie I am referencing here.)

This is an open notice to all who may hate on me.  Go ahead and air it.  I’ve had the decency of leaving your name out of this, so right here, go ahead and tell me your thoughts.  Leave my phone outta this.  Right now, besides those who KNOW this is about you (which you must’ve disclosed, because only me and the ex know it’s you), you’re shrouded in secrecy.  But know this.  Thanks to my many readers who have commented thus far, I’ve decided to stop pulling punches.  You don’t wanna be called psycho?  STOP ACTING LIKE A FUCKING PSYCHO!

Pipebomb…

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17 Responses to “Pipebomb”

  1. keef September 15, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

    Neat.

  2. Meredith September 15, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    SAY THE NAME! Or at least link to a Twitter or rhyme it with something.

    For example, her name is Wiffany.

  3. Anonymous September 18, 2011 at 11:43 pm #

    I am with meredith… i want a rhyming name.. like wennifer.. although I do enjoy the suspense I would like to have my cake and eat it too.. just sayin… we need more clues that would like lead us to “the crazy” one…

  4. Anonymous September 19, 2011 at 7:25 pm #

    LOL.. definitely think the this should have some kind of like button.. I feel much better knowing that the crazy is the same crazy that gave me trouble.. she belongs in a nut house.. i feel sorry for you dear.. I feel like i need to send you sympathy flowers or something.. LOL

  5. meg September 20, 2011 at 1:11 am #

    Ive known this person from the age of two and you are so far off. You are one classy cat for airing her so called dirty laundry all over your blog instead I
    Of dealing with her like an adult. Your shit is wildly exaggerated. But then she did say you had a knack for story telling.

    As for anonymous, grow some balls.

    • worldslastsingleguy September 20, 2011 at 1:53 am #

      Meg, I don’t think I know you, nor do you know me. Much like my telling of this escapade, whatever information you’ve been told is very one-sided. I’d like to say I’m fair and unbiased, but the fact that she’s stalking me (yes, I know you’re using Google Reader to view this, psycho) and not moving on with her life goes to show I AM NOT WRONG HERE.

    • anonymous September 20, 2011 at 9:57 pm #

      “meg” i’m assuming gombash??? trust and believe I have balls.. and this can be discussed further between the two of us… 4192058856.. you wanna know who i am and how big my balls are give me a call or text.. which ever.. but you better be prepared.. P.S. Justin love the blogging.. Keep it up!!! And sorry for the disturbance…

      • meg September 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

        no this isnt meg gombash. My email is mschmidt.schmidt.242@gmail.com. I’m curious to know how you know jen, because if you knew her well, I proably wpuld have mer you by now. Email me.

      • anonymous September 24, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

        Unless you’re going to call me there is nothing to discuss I went to school with her and at some point between than and now had a run in with her.. and agree with her mental instability.

      • meg September 24, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

        haha I think I know just who you are. Are you the one thst floored her the bird because she couldnt get out of your way? Yea, I was in the civic behind her. Would that be you?

  6. meg September 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm #

    I was told to google worlds last single guy to read what you had written about her, thats wjat I did because shes my friend. I’m not a psycho, or stalking you. I’m not denying the things she did, I’m saying yoi are reallly exaggerating. And your pride isa biased because her husband alked yiu to leave. She had actually stopped texting you, until she said the other day she
    missed you around, thats all. And I think its reallly

    awful of you to blog this for the world to see instead of
    Taking to her about it like the 29 year old adult you are. And for the record, I was one of the girls she was going to set you up woth. She had no interest in you, otjer than a great friend and maybe to make a person that almost liled you both a little jealous.

  7. meg September 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm #

    sorry for the mistakes, hand in a cast

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] the negative happen due to outside forces you can’t control.  While, realistic, sometimes I do make bad things happen, I know that I can, and indeed DO, make some women smile in a day’s time.  I know that while […]

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