Let’s talking about using…

1 Sep

When referencing using, I don’t mean drugs.  I mean using others.  I have found that, and here I am blowing my own trumpet (which, if you take it as a euphemism, if I could do that, I would NOT be posting here), I am FAR FAR too giving.  Perhaps it ties into my ridiculous need to make others feel appreciated, warm, or happy, but F my life it’s expensive.  For example, there was a waitress we used to see quite regularly last fall/winter.  By we, I mean the friends who keep me around because they love to pick on me.  Anyhow, said waitress was not very good at her job (which makes me wonder why we kept going back…), but each week I would flirt with her a little more and more, hoping eventually I could win her over.  By flirting, I mean trying to act cool (which, if you know me, I am not) and leaving tips WAY to generous for the hospitality we failed to receive.  Eventually I called it quits.  Partly because I was broke, partly because, after leaving her my phone number 18 times, the whore never called me.

Ooooo…did I just really mean whore?  I mean, that’s sorta mean, right?

Anyhow, blah blah blah, I do this shit.  My last ex-girlfriend refused to kiss me on Valentine’s Day because she had a cold.  Shit, after the money I spent on dinner, I’m surprised she didn’t perform fellatio on me while SHE was driving! She should’ve.

Wonder where the driver is? Yeah, that's right, she's doing it.

Anyhow, just last week, a girl I was interested in was in need of a new phone.  I had a spare one, the Samsung Epic 4G, that I just recently stopped using.  Mint condition, mind you, and rooted (which is nerd talk for “better”).  She had told me she would be willing to pay me for it, but she had some troubles finding a job and making ends meet, so the nice, chivalrous side of me wouldn’t feel right SELLING her the phone.  So, I gave it to her.  We were supposed to meet up at Sprint to do the exchange, but I had a tattoo appointment and she was running late.  I left the phone for her, where my co-worker (who is married with kids) proceeded to flirt with her while setting her up.  Afterward, she talked about meeting up, owing me “BIG TIME” (her words), etc. etc. etc.  We never met up.  She never answered her phone.  She never responded to texts.  She doesn’t yet “understand the phone.”  I see, the next few days, her uploading pictures FROM HER NEW FUCKING PHONE to Facebook.  Yeah, enjoy your new phone, don’t worry about paying me back.  Whore…

Damn it, I miss this phone...

Anyhow, I recognize that by posting this, there’s a strong chance the three women mentioned will never talk to me again.  That’s okay with me.  I recognize you as users and I’m too good for you.  Ladies who read this and who use men…stop it.  Unless the men are ugly, then, well you know, maybe give some sex out.  Me, I’m not ugly.  Will take that sex, though…


3 Responses to “Let’s talking about using…”

  1. Chrissy September 2, 2011 at 7:51 am #

    I bought you a blood sugar monitor and you up and moved to Cornfuck, Nebraska. Whore! 😛 But I wasn’t trying to get in your pants, just wanted you to not die, lol.

  2. mrscallmecrazy September 7, 2011 at 1:09 am #

    I want to buy you something so you owe me. I think it will be fame. Will that work?

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