I apologize for the delay, but each post I started made me sound arrogant. I realized there really is no way to write about this and sound humble.
Breadwinner. Kind of a ridiculous term.
It is true, I make more than WLSG (by quite a bit actually). I truly would like feedback from the readers on why this would even be an issue? Why would this be a topic of discussion? Why would he ever feel insignificant?
That feeling has to be coming from outside sources. From society. I can only assume WLSG is responding to the way he feels it should be, not the way it is in reality. And he should know, if you try to fit a square peg into a round hole, you will always be unfulfilled.
However, this is not the first time I have come across this. I had a professor tell me once that relationships between a man and a woman, where the woman has the higher degree, never work out. That is pretty sexist to both parties. I have a pretty high degree and if I can only date people on the same level, that greatly reduces my dating pool (and it was already a wading pool).
It felt (feels) as though sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard I work or smart I am, it doesn’t really make a difference to most men. What matters to them is attractiveness (I am sorry, but it truly does), understanding their sense of humor (you don’t really have to have one of your own, just not get pissed at theirs), being nice, and sex. Many men actually find women adorable if they are (or at least act) a little stupid!
I realize this is huge generalization (and not the most flattering). I suppose the topic is making me lash out a bit, because I feel as though I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I should be successful, but not more than a man. I should make a good living, but not more than a man. I should be smart and educated, but not more than a man. Sometimes I feel if I wanted a successful relationship I should have just been a stay at home mom (I promise I am not trying to start a war between working women and SAHM).
I like to do reading and research before starting these posts (like I said knowledge is power). I found some advice columns on the topic and, to be perfectly frank, most of them were crap (granted they did come from renowned sources such as Cosmopolitan). In every article the same piece of advice kept coming up, “Let him spoil you with what he can afford, don’t buy him expensive presents and don’t pay for everything.” Basically, your man has a fragile ego and if you want to have a boyfriend you need to play the part of the helpless woman. I have decided to give you my own advice if you find yourself in this situation.
- Don’t worry about it. Who cares?
- Don’t limit yourself. If you make a certain amount of money and want to live a certain lifestyle, never feel bad about that or hold yourself back for another person. Do not change who you are or who you want to be just because it may make someone else uncomfortable (whether it is your man, his family, his friends, your friends, your family).
- Find a guy who appreciates you, your career, and your hard work and is not in competition with you. Why should you ever, EVER, have to down play or hide what you have achieved.
I actually even dislike the fact that I am required to explain myself. That I am required to justify why it should be acceptable that I make twice as much as my boyfriend. As I sit here and type this, I am actually getting more and more pissed about it. It makes me look (and feel) as though I have to apologize for being successful.
Above all else female breadwinners, never apologize.
Too harsh readers?